As the day ends and everything settles down, the streets quiet down and I get into my comfy bed, thoughts swirl around as if they have nowhere else to be. As usual, mine go to you, wonder what it would have been like had you stayed, had life given us more time. People often say that time heals all, and I guess in a way it does, maybe I am not done grieving maybe I never quite will be.
Today I feel you all around and remember you laughing, how infectious it was, how your stories and jokes could make people forget to worry. Perhaps in death, we only remember the good in order to survive the heartbreaking reality of not having you here. Life has taught me how impermanent everything is; how one day you’re here and the next you’re gone. That the people we love and hold on dearly to will often leave us without meaning to, while others will choose to do so even when we don’t want them to.
As I breathe in and out trying to find my center, trying to melt into stillness, I think about you and what you might think about me. I wonder what could have been if we only we’d had more time.
